REASONS I FAIL AS A BEAUTY BLOGGER

Morning campers! Don't you just love beauty bloggers! They are so glamorous! Their Instagram's are perfectly themed, their make up is enviable and I bet they even have a hoard of birds that come in every morning to dress them whilst they chirp a catchy theme tune. Just kidding! But still there is a stereotypical template for beauty bloggers, one of which I definitely do not fit into! So here is - a slightly tongue in cheek! - list of why I completely fail as a beauty blogger!

I CAN'T STAND JO MALONE CANDLES
Now bare with me for two seconds before the thrashing begins. I love scented candles! Unfortunately Jo Malone just isn't for me! Even if I do get a nice little cotton bud holder at the end of it I just can't learn to love them. Not only are they twice the price of my beloved Yankee Candles - £42 for a candle! Seriously! - I just don't like the smell of them. I kind of just think they smell like air freshener, a really obnoxious air freshener!

I SUCK AT WINGED EYELINER
My eyeliner game is not strong! Far from strong actually, it's like Captain America before the super serum! Not only is it really awkward with my ridiculously watery eyes - so much smudging! - but I just can't seem to get the right flick for my eye/face shape. Hardly A+ beauty blogger material there! Answers on a postcard pretty please!

I RARELY WEAR A FULL FACE OF MAKE UP
I'm so damn lazy! The only reason I can afford the occasional bit of expensive make up is because it lasts a lifetime with how little I use it! I bought a new Boing! concealer and Browzings eyebrow set around a year ago...and I've only just hit pan! Most of the time I would rather choose an extra half an hours kip over wearing make up to work and the only time I slap it on is the twice annual night out on the town.

I HAVE 5 DIFFERENT HAIRSTYLES
Straight. Wavy. Miss Truncheon top knot. Half up/Half down. Fringe rolled/plaited back.
That is the generally the extent of my hair styling needs. I am so envious of these bloggers who have fabulous hair. Not only does my fringe/many layers get in the way of perfect and versatile hairstyles, I just don't have the skill. I am probably a little better on other people but I won't be quitting my day job to be a professional hairstylist just yet!

I AM THE LEAST TRENDY PERSON IN THE WORLD
Apart from the fact I would chose comfort over fashion most days of the week - I am currently in my 2 sizes too big jogging bottoms and a strappy top! Very chav chic! -  I just don't get faddy trends. Crop tops, sports brand two pieces, black chokers, lace up tops, denim skirts. Don't get me wrong, I actually really enjoy fashion but I just think that pieces should be separate and not worn as what could be used as a fancy dress outfit of another era!

I DON'T VISIT STARBUCKS ON THE REGULAR
...OR DRINK COFFEE! I always thought coffee was one of them things like wine - that you would adapt to drinking as you get older. Unfortunately it never happened. I will always be a 2 choice kind of girl - tea or some form of fruity ice drink. Chains like Costa, Starbuck and Cafe Nero are completely wasted on me. And when I post the coveted seasonal photo of my decorated takeaway cup it doesn't contain a gingerbread latte - it's english breakfast all the way! On a side note though, I bloody love their brownies and muffins.

I HAVEN'T GOT THE TIME FOR A BLOG SCHEDULE
This may well change when I bugger off on maternity leave - 2 months of pure "Jess Time" before baby...bliss! - but until then I'm currently juggling a full time office job and a doting housewife in between bouts of nausea and sickness. As much as I love blogging sometimes life just gets in the way! I'm in awe of everyone that sticks to them with uni/Mum life. You are all goddess's!

So that's it, my confessions on how I am literally the most useless beauty blogger in the world. Nevertheless, I love my little blog and I envy everyone with perfect hair, perfect eyeliner and their perfect instagram accounts. You gorgeous specimens you!

Leave me a comment and reassure me I'm not the only useless blogger out there!